another crap nite :-p

i usually write in this blog when i feel like crap. its 3am. im sad my boyfriend isn't here. i keep imagining little things about him that i love so much. the way he looks like a cute puppy when he is sleeping, the scar on one of his fingers, his wonderful curly hair. im sad because he isn't beside me.
he is in the figural sense though. i guess i am scared that might end. i am scared that distance will be too much. i am scared that our plans might fall through. i think these fears are natural to have. it makes me so happy to know that we'll make it through. i have the best boyfriend in the world. he loves me and trusts me. i love and trust him. we make each other laugh. we care about our future together. we talk about what bothers us. we both love architecture but not so much that it takes away from each other. im extremely happy i have found someone so great. it may suck right now, but he'll be with me soon. we'll make it work. :)

keep calm and carry on. that's really the best mantra. that and i know that he loves me so much. im amazed by it every single day.

if i could do one thing i would forgive myself for whatever upsets me about this summer. i have this time now to make up for it by being strong. i need to realize that mats cannot always be the one to prop me up when i feel blue. i need to have that inside me. i need to know exactly what to do and just do it. fyi i love nikes slogan. just do it. it is so perfect.

just do it.

and soon it will be december and i will get to go to sweden :)!!!!!!
that is a super great treat to look forward to and it really could help me be happy every single day because EVERY SINGLE DAY GETS ME CLOSER. and i might as well spend those days being productive and happy as possible. :) go me! go us! darby nilsson for the win :)

love me the most
when i deserve it the least
because thats when i need it the most

europe. new summer. new fun.
stay tuned.

happy christmas :-)

seriously craving a cupcake. these are the best in atlanta...take that highland bakery! :-p

this american life is awesome :-)

studio is a little stalled at the moment for me and my partner. its hard to keep the creativity always flowing, especially since we reached a good level of design completeness. i know there are always details to flush out, revisions to be made, but these happen at a much slower pace. and to be completely honest i am incredibly exhausted by design work right now.

1/4" model? Rar!!!! I have a feeling he'll really come to life Saturday or Sunday. Til then...its Harry Potter, cleaning my room, and reading an interesting novel. I think I am really cool with that idea :-)

hooray for sleep! hooray for friday evenings! hooray for peanut butter cookies! hooray for Tuesday-Saturday off next week with a delicious meal and shopping in between :-)

sad today.

ze digital studio

sqoogle

"he's so cute!"

happy! im thinking about making little presents for people in studio and wrapping them nicely. i used to get a lot of satisfaction out of doing that. time to bring it back! :-D

i want to be this lady. now.

memory path

my infrastructure project. the infrastructure is a wall and floor system along the seam of oakland cemetery's potters field and cabbage town. the potter's field is a section of the cemetery reserved for those too poor to be afford to be buried. the city buried them, but did not leave any markers. the acrylic bricks are for those whose memories that we know. the wooden bricks are for those we do not know.

hrach recommended taking night time photos of the acrylic bricks. i will do that! hopefully ruth will let me into the combination room to do that :-)

so yes since the summer i have been enthralled, in love, infatuated with northern europe. the netherlands especially. however, im finding more and more things to explore, to be curious about, and to learn from the great white northern lights.
something mythological springs forth in my mind about this area. the north sea is the most tempermental body of water i have ever seen. one day it was gnashing its teeth, threatening to swallow me and everything surrounding. the next it was calm, gentle, and inviting. again, the light as well has a tempest personality. there are months of darkness followed by a switch by the gods to light.
the order and the rules that govern its societies are a stark comparison to the myths. everything is stark here. everything is a juxtaposition. an argument and a just as exacting counter-argument. the weather and the elements are against us, so we fight against it with societal order.
the happiest people in the world (based on life expectency, cost of living, average wealth) live in the netherlands. the saddest people in the world (highest suicide rate in relation to population) live in denmark. what is up with that? as i search i find the most interesting discrepancies that in turn fuels my search even further.
for instance, iceland is the land of FIRE and ICE. Two of the most extreme elements on the planet! There is an extremely strange psychological disorder named after a Swedish city in which the victim of a crime falls in love with the person who commits it. Why is this land full of eccentricity and discrepancy?

why do i want to know so badly? because i want this romanticized notion of a place to be TRUE. i want to experience this weirdness! ever since my grandmother first mentioned there are places on this earth that have total darkness for part of the year, i have wanted to see it. when my dad told me about the beautiful lights that sometimes reach as far south as rochester, new york, i've yearned to behold them myself. i like to be surrounded by new things and new people. i like to think that i can fit in anywhere. especially somewhere i want to fit in.

i have a theory that missing someone is often times much better than actually being with that person. that the initial shock of being with them again after a certain length of time is awkward and gets in the way of any meaningful exchange that can happen (or that is expected to happen). maybe by romanticizing this idea so much i may just set myself up for major disappointment if i do move there.

which i am trying to work on from many different angles. TU Delft, exchange programs (although one of them may be in la villette...), and general study abroad opportunities. i want to be educated in northern europe. i have to do this to be myself.

space invade my wheels

back and forth thru my mind behind a cigarette.

having huge cravings lately. LSMFT.

Not really.