another crap nite :-p

i usually write in this blog when i feel like crap. its 3am. im sad my boyfriend isn't here. i keep imagining little things about him that i love so much. the way he looks like a cute puppy when he is sleeping, the scar on one of his fingers, his wonderful curly hair. im sad because he isn't beside me.
he is in the figural sense though. i guess i am scared that might end. i am scared that distance will be too much. i am scared that our plans might fall through. i think these fears are natural to have. it makes me so happy to know that we'll make it through. i have the best boyfriend in the world. he loves me and trusts me. i love and trust him. we make each other laugh. we care about our future together. we talk about what bothers us. we both love architecture but not so much that it takes away from each other. im extremely happy i have found someone so great. it may suck right now, but he'll be with me soon. we'll make it work. :)

keep calm and carry on. that's really the best mantra. that and i know that he loves me so much. im amazed by it every single day.

if i could do one thing i would forgive myself for whatever upsets me about this summer. i have this time now to make up for it by being strong. i need to realize that mats cannot always be the one to prop me up when i feel blue. i need to have that inside me. i need to know exactly what to do and just do it. fyi i love nikes slogan. just do it. it is so perfect.

just do it.

and soon it will be december and i will get to go to sweden :)!!!!!!
that is a super great treat to look forward to and it really could help me be happy every single day because EVERY SINGLE DAY GETS ME CLOSER. and i might as well spend those days being productive and happy as possible. :) go me! go us! darby nilsson for the win :)

love me the most
when i deserve it the least
because thats when i need it the most